A week ago I was summoned to court to be selected as part of a jury panel. Though usually I would’ve considered this somewhat of an annoyance, this time I was oddly delighted to go. I’d sound kind of bummed out about it to friends, but really there was something about it that was nice. Driving from court one day, I realized the nice thing about jury duty is it takes you away from your problems for a little while. For that short period of time, I was excused from having to create my life circumstances.
During the past two months I’ve been scrambling to think of a path to take in life. Going through these ideas in my head, I quickly gave up on each one. I would get an idea, over-think it, then dismiss it entirely. Over time it became apparent to my coach and I: fear is running the show.
“You can’t trust thought rooted in fear… otherwise, you’ll just end up going in little circles.”
I was hoping to stumble across the idea that I felt the most “inspired” or “passionate” about, without really being an “inspiring” or “passionate” person to begin with. Every day I’d try to think my way out of my life circumstances. And the more I did that, the more stuck I felt. And that’s about the end of it: I’m stuck because I’m not engaged in things.
Looking back to the beginning of the year and my old posts, I can see what I’ve been missing recently. It was kind of like being on a mission then. It was simple enough, and people even seemed to back me up for it. More importantly though, is that I was going through trial & error. I was engaged in something.
Feeling the need to pick something, the most frequent idea my brain came up with was becoming a personal trainer. Although I felt kinda stupid about it at first, I know I’ve been wanting to try it out for a while know. It’s something to try out, and if it doesn’t work, I can let it go. I just can’t know until I know for sure.