I got myself into a weird situation when I decided to graduate college without having a job lined up or a real career in mind. I’m not going to sugar-coat it; most of the time I’ve felt more disconnected than I ever did when I was still in school. In the months leading up to my graduation I had some thoughts about what I might do during this period. None of those thoughts involved sending out resumes and working in an office. There’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but I had seen people do things differently, and I thought I’d try it out. The internet’s a crazy place, and I’ve seen plenty of examples of people starting companies using just a laptop and cell phone. After months of reading some inspiring blogs that teach people how to do something I got the idea: “I could do that.” For better or for worse that’s what I chose to do. Whenever I was asked about this idea, I always got the question from my friends and classmates:
“Why don’t you just start now?”
It made sense. After all, while I was in school I definitely had enough time to work on this thing. I don’t think I realized it at the time, but I was definitely afraid of putting myself out there when I was still in school. I didn’t want to make a blog just to distribute information, I wanted to share what I was going through. Still, when I wrote something and posted it online I didn’t want people to see me a different way. Oddly enough, I don’t want everyone to read what I have to write. It’s probably not for everyone, but I hope this blog finds its way to those people that will take the most from it. However, when you post these things on your Facebook wall, there’s bound to be some collateral damage.
What’s funny about being so guarded is that there’s nothing particularly shameful that I reveal about myself in my posts. There’s nothing really that controversial about what I’ve had to say so far. For the most part it’s just been about my life history, some observations and a few insecurities. One of the things I was afraid of was looking dumb. Usually being a quiet person, I didn’t want people to find out what I actually thought. “That’s what’s been going on in your head this whole time? Really?” is what I imagined people would think of me.
However, the more I got used to putting myself out there, the more I felt like I have nothing to lose. I thought that if I could be a more open person online, I could do it in person, too. It’s a slow progress, but I think it’s the change I wanted to make through writing this.